The Winterfest of Our Discontent [2025]

The biggest threat often comes from within...

"CARL HALL" (2025; formerly The Petrova Wellness Center)

Yes, it's that time of year once again. Unfortunately, the usual merriment of the season is absent this time around.

As it turned out, the underlying anxiety regarding impending dread that seemed to lurk around every corner at last year's Winterfest Weekend celebration -- a sense recognized by every student, teacher, alumnus and treasued guest in attendance -- proved to be all too appropriate.

Perhaps not surprisingly, as we understood but didn't want to wish into existence a year ago, the worry materialized from a familiar corner.

First, though, a few notes about the timeline of things. Last year, after "all-star" campus leader Carla continued to bask in the glow of a number of awards and honors that had come her way, both from within the Academy after leading the campus back from the Winterfest eve fires that consumed the campus in 2023, as well as other arenas largely due to the continuing success of BSA's sister institution CAVE-INS -- the Carla Academy for the Visionary Education of Indigenous Native Societies. At the same time, her longtime husband Carl had clearly been uncomfortable with any such familial sharing of praise after he had received his own share of accolades after he led BSA's successful hosting of the World Elking Cup in '22.

In 2024, though, Carl didn't revert to his old, destructive "squishing ways," and instead left on a nearly eleven-month, solitary "global elking trek" (w/ his favored champion bull Konig, of course) in order to pass on the great knowledge he'd accumulated about the physical and mental benefits of the "glorious sport of competitive elking." We all felt as if it was a sign that the more thoughtful Carl of recent years was indeed still with us. While he was away, Carl spread his word far and wide, making many new friends (and converts) along the way.

Thing is, when Carl did finally return, it was clear that he had changed. Or rather, he seemed to have reverted back to his former tempermental ways, perhaps a result of his time away from the BSA circle (and, naturally, the calming presence of Carla) that had played such a role in better integrating his personality into society and finding ways for him to contribute more to his surroundings than offering mere threats of squishings, squishings themselves and the promise of still more squishings. Alas, he and Carla were heard arguing quite often upon his arrival on campus, and he finally stormed off the grounds last November heading for parts unknown.

The 2024 Winterfest Weekend went on without Carl, but the worry that his absence contributed to the otherwise festive occasion was palpable.

While rumors that Carl -- having befriended many powerful individuals as well as members of the new, then-incoming U.S. admininstration over the course of the Elking World Cup and his subsequent tour -- might be appointed as the head of a newly-created government entity in Washington, D.C., quite possibly by the name of the Commission on Active Riding as a Lifeblood (aka CARL), which would given him governmental license to continue to travel the world and promote (naturally) Carl's beloved favorite competitive sport, never materialized as fact, the distress created due to his new circle of acquiantances proved to be more than worthy of concern.

Carl would return to the BSA campus early in 2025, and very soon things would begin to change.

Meanwhile, the semesters on Backspin Academy continued to be filled with joy over the past year, including after the return of Carl. As we all compartmentalized our fears and focused on the positive, we cheered as the reigning Student Body President had another banner academic year, though not one without its share of rocky (and oft self-inflicted bad) moments, while a whole new array of star pupils from rarely or untapped corners of the world enjoyed sudden success (The Philippines! Indonesia!), new faces from familiar places ("Mbokomania!" swept campus during the summer; while the Dokic BSA Bookstore sold out of "Francaise Forehand" t-shirts in under an hour in the spring) rose to prominance, past achievers returned to their previous high-achieving form ("Better Call Bencic" and "Amandarama!" were winning shows on the BSA theater stage), well-known stars found success in unexpected academic fields (Iga on grass!), belatedly rose to the occasion (New Madi!) and ultimately found their best (a still buttoned-down Elena, but spectacularly so!) selves after what had been a sometimes trying year.

In fact, plans had been made to celebrate all that and more during this year's Winterfest. The annual Media Wall installation was erected (and, thankfually, photographed... while it could be)...

But, in the end, we were unable to celebrate Winterfest Weekend on the BSA campus this year. Not because we didn't *want* to, but because we were *prevented* from doing so.

Perhaps the worst part of the entire (continuing) ordeal is that we should have expected things to play out just as they did.

It all began upon Carl's re-entrance into BSA society sometime in February. Almost immediately, he began wearing the "traditional" clothing of his ancestors (i.e. animal skins and various furs), along with a blue cap emblazoned with a large "C." For "Carl," we assumed... since when he was asked about it he would only snap back, "What think for?!" and then storm off. His comment was an early sign that his previous advancements in spoken language had devolved, or that he'd made the intentional decision to cater to the vocal crowd that didn't appreciate his recent "assimilation" and efforts to seemingly improve himself (with Carla's gentle prodding).

For the most part, Carl kept to himself in those early weeks.

Though she was worried about Carl, Carla felt that the warmth of the BSA community would envelop him once again in short order, smoothing out any of the newly-roughened edges after his time away. At least she felt she had no choice but to have faith in the prospect, as it was time for her to head off on her own long-scheduled world tour, during which she was to consult with welcoming governments and charities in an attempt to take her CAVE-IN success global, noting that the less fortunate Indigenous cavepeople in society continue to be far underserved in all corners of the earth and that offering as many individuals as possible the chance for a full education would provide the tide that can lift the boats of the entire community, just as it had for her.

As Carla lifted off from campus on a helicopter bound for places where she would meet people that would surely be as charmed by her as we have been over the years, some noted the look of concern of her face through the glass as she watched Carl gaze up from the center of campus as she moved farther away. He had no expression on his face, and once she was out of sight he simply turned without a word and, with his head down, walked back to the home cave he personally carved out of a nearby hillside back in the early days of BSA's construction.

By the time Carla returned a few months later, she would hardly be able to recognize the place, or believe her eyes.

Come March, the campus began to see an influx of new visitors, often arriving in large groups and buses, sometimes several in a single day. As they unloaded, it was noticed that nearly all of them were sporting the same blue "C" hats that Carl wore, and once they showed up they seemed to become a fixture around town, never leaving. Before long, Carl began holding well-attended rallies that gathered them all together. The events overtook the campus, sometimes even when classes were being held, so much so that security soon became a necessity, as large segments of the crowd often grew rowdy and occasionally even harrassed certain students as they made their way between buildings.

Carl took it upon himself, never bothering to consult the BSA Board of Directors, to hire his own security team, which he then decided would remain on the grounds to provide "daily attention" after there were "rumors" of dissention and "threats" being made against Carl and his new, often divisive followers. Carl made a point on his social media to announce on a daily basis each personal conflict that he'd "heard of" and "everyone knows about" that he felt amounted to cases of him and his followers being "persecuted" -- though no one else had ever actually heard of most of what he highlighted -- and occasionally even accused individuals by name of being against him, leading to actual threats being made against those persons and their dorms and residences valdalized, even as no evidence could be found of them having made such "anti-Carl" statements, per se.

But if Carl said it was so, then Blue Hats chose to accept it as gospel, and quickly held it over the head of whomever Carl chose to target in the moment.

As summer began, we were surpised to see elks began to graze on the hillside across the river from campus, often surrounding the CAVE-IN complex. Arriving students started to fear for their safety, as no fencing was provided to keep the elks from overrunning the place. Carl responded by announcing, "THERE NO FENCES IN NATURE!!!" And that was that.

It soon became clear that the elks that had been moved onto the site belonged to the security forces that Carl had hired, a group which it had become known was composed of many of his old elking teammates, as well as instant loyalists of various stripe that he picked up along the way during his global journey last year. The animals were being kept by Carlo, Carl and Carla's oldest son, who is now going by the name Carl Jr. (students quickly began to derisively call him "little Carlo" behind his back) after officially retiring from his competitive elking career after his promising start was besieged by continual injuries, including a severe concussion that finally forced him to give up the game.

Soon after, Carl's security force -- officially known as "Squishismo squads" -- began mounting their steeds as they patrolled the campus grounds on elkback, with at least one individual stationed at nearly every corner on a permanent basis. Their presence was not appreciated, as the student body sensed that they were there to represent a persistent psychological threat, at least until they became something more. That moment came to be when, apparently, one Squishismo began to harrass a foreign-born student who, according to the individual, had "shot him a dirty look" as she passed by the corner checkpoint. The student and Squishismo were soon surrounded by several other students who took offense to the situation, which quickly escalated into a melee in which a dozen students were injured -- often after being trampled by one of the heavy-hoofed elks underneath the additional security forces that had arrived on the scene -- and one Squishismo was hospitalized after a fall when his elk reared up and fell backwards on top of him.

Carl quickly took the side of the Squishismos, calling the students involved in the incident "terrorists suffering from Carl Derangement Syndrome" (words that perhaps hinted that Carl's return to his formerly grammar-mangling, often monosyllabic ways was just as act), and accused nearly everyone on campus of being jealous of not being as strong-willed and magnificent as Carl was himself.

His Blue-hatted base quickly formed an impromptu rally in support of Carl, inspring him to arrive on the scene and express his appreciation for their loyalty, even leading them in multiple chants of "Carl! Carl! Carl!" as he shook his fist to the recording of "Macho Man" that played from the phone that one supporter had passed up from the crowd to be held to an on-stage microphone.

Mussolini Serious GIFfrom Mussolini GIFs

Thankfully, all the individuals involved in the original melee recovered, but the festering situation caused the mounting tension on campus to grow exponentially. Protests demanding an apology from Carl and/or for action against (or removal of) the Squishismo squads to be brought by the BSA Board of Directors were met with Carl swiftly "firing" the entire, dutifully appointed Board and replacing them with members of the Squishismo squad themselves. The previous BSA Board of Directors were then escorted off campus.

While members of the BSA community who were in the know about the official workings of the campus searched in vain for words contained within the academy's charter that proved that Carl had no such right to dispand and/or replace board members en masse on a personal whim -- and certainly not without the approval of Carla -- the wheels of injustice continued to turn without official intervention.

Immediately, Carl dictated that all foreign-born students would have to "carry their papers" to be presented to Squishismo members upon request at any time, and any failure to do so would result in an immediate expulsion from BSA. Some on-site students were so fearful that they began sporting blue caps in the hopes of "blending in" and not being pulled from the crowd by what were being called "Carl's cavalry." Soon, *all* students were being expected to display an affection for "the elking ascentic," a practice which was not quite understood nor explained, but was accepted by most as meaning to see Carl as the epitome of all things good and righteous, and as someone to be admired, if not rightfully emulated.

In one case, a newly arrived student -- given a full scholarship by Carl himself -- received a "zero" from a longtime professor on a paper in which she was asked to explain, with specific examples that backed up her claims, the reasons why so many BSA students have prospered during their time on campus, with the desire being to hear the student espouse the teamwork aspect and atmosphere of support that has always been a hallmark of campus life. Instead, she had written, simply, "Because Carl is here," and to a later similar question, stated that "Carl and my devotion to him determines whether I will succeed, or be doomed to failure."

The student personally protested her grade to Carl, who promptly terminated (fired, I mean) the professor and gave the student an "A++" on the assignment.

After being unable to contact Carla for weeks, word was finally able to get through to her about what was happening on campus. She'd been touring some of the most remote areas of the world, looking to help Indigenous people (cave-dwelling or otherwise) wherever she could find assistance, from the mountains of Tibet (apparently, she and the Dalai Lama were instant kindred spirits) to the Heard and McDonald islands (it was a side trip -- she wanted to see the penguins), as well as the African Pole of Inaccessibility. Needless to say, she was stunned by what she heard, and cancelled the rest of her plans in order to immediately head back to BSA.

Carla was cheered by a string of relieved students lining the autumn leaf-strewn street leading into campus, as well as throughout the grounds once she came through the front gate. She quickly found Carl and expressed her exasperated astonishment over his actions, with the din of the argument being heard from as far away as Henin Hall. No one had ever heard Carla speak with such a furious tone.

Once the proverbial dust settled, Carla seemed satisfied that she'd made her point and that all would be well. She knew that she couldn't stand to continue to be with Carl, and is said to have been overheard on her phone telling her lawyer to file for divorce due to "irreconcilable psychological and archealogical differences" as she headed off to her own private "Zen garden," her office at the main CAVE-IN building, where she worked through the night, completing some of her missed face-to-face meetings with world leaders via video connections, trying to close many of the deals that she had been so assiduously striving toward before being called back home. From what we heard, she did just that.

Come the morning, though, Carla was nowhere to be found. Not at the CAVE-IN complex (her office was empty, but clearly having been the site of much work, as she'd stayed long past all other authorized personnel had gone home for the evening), nor anywhere else on campus. She hadn't returned to her global mission, either. Carla had simply disappeared without a trace. The security system showed no evidence of a break-in, and no one could have gotten in otherwise unless they held the closely-guarded security access codes... which limited the circle of people who may have visited her during the night or early morning hours.

The main suspect in her sudden "erasure" was clear, but no one dared make accusations without evidence, knowing that even that might not be enough to stand up in "the court of the blue hats," and surely not in the eyes of you-know-who.

Quite quickly, though, our suspicions seemed to be justified, as Carl dug in his bare feet and leaned into his authoritarian streak. Anyone not deemed to be on Carl's side in, well, *anything* was quickly rounded up and dumped into rooms at the Petrova Wellness Center, which had almost overnight been renamed as "Carl Hall."

With many foreign-born students already having been spooked by previous incidents, a number had had already taken to attending classes remotely, so they escaped such inhumane treatment; but that just meant that the Squishismo squads turned to the next available "suspects." Soon, the likes of native-born students (even those who showed their IDs) were scooped up, as well, some with the stated suspicion being only being because, "Real American names don't end in 'ova." Of course, when it was pointed out that many of Carl's security forces were from other nations, another reason for being a "suspected collaborator" (to what aim we weren't certain, nor was it really important in their process) was apparent. Thus, still more "arrests" was made.

Still, everyone's love and loyalty to the BSA way of life didn't cause the student body and faculty to instantly flee. For a few weeks, things calmed down, as "suspects" were released, though suspended from participation in campus activities. While Carla was still missing (whispers of being hauled off to "CECOT" seemed reactionary, while "Where Is Carla?" signs were posted quite often until they were soon torn down), classes went on as the final semaster began to draw to a close. Curriculum changes often stood out like a sore thumb, as Carl was now noted as the driving force behind BSA, as well as CAVE-IN, and a new "Carl-101" class was a sudden addition as a prerequisite for graduation, while Carla's name was suddely excised from various plaques and her image cropped out of well-known photos of some of our most cherished moments on campus.

Meanwhile, Carl remained holed up in his cave, save for the occasion rally to inspire his still-growing throng of newly-shipped-in supporters and expanding corps of elk-mounted forces, often spilling out his stream-of-conscious thoughts in late night social media posts, during which he often referred to Carla as his "nasty wifey," questioned her "true cave background" (leading to a conspiracy-driven group of Carla detractors that immediately became known as "Cavers"), and continued to take credit for her personal success. "YOU NO SPELL CARLA WITHOUT CARLA" was part of one memorable screed, while he made additional veiled threats (and some "unveiled" ones, as his time-worn promise "to squish" all opposition popped up more than once) against several nearby academies and local governmental entities unless they join in and commemorate Carl to his liking.

Perhaps fearing the wrath of the monster they'd somewhat helped to create, the World Elking Association (WEA) board of commissioners managed to lure Carl from his cave by presenting him with the very first WTA World Peace Prize. Prostestors at the ceremony were pelted by Squishismos squad members with fuzzy mini-tennis balls fired from refangled t-shirt launchers, and some were captured and dragged away via sewn-together tennis nets thrown from atop the buildings that make up the BSA architecture.

With the arrival of the end of the semester, and the turning of the campus' attention to Winterfest within sight, Carl made his final moves to seize control of BSA.

In a 3 a.m. posting, Carl announced that the BSA Board of Directors had voted (via rubberstamp) to award him with the authority to make any sudden changes to campus, and he stated that his first order of business would be the CAVE-IN complex. Before anyone knew what was happening, everyone was awoken by the sound of heavy machinery in the early morning hours and at first light watched in horror as the CAVE-IN buildings -- Carla's masterpiece that had already helped so many -- were razed by wrecking balls and dynamite. By sundown, the gleaming beacon of hope across the river was no more.

With Squishismo squads lining both sides of the river separating the BSA campus and the site of Carla's dream, protests (some organized by the BSA Historical Society, which had been officially disbanded by Carl, also in the middle of the night) tried but could not drown out the sound of the construction that took place a short distance away. Within 36 hours, the former CAVE-IN complex was fully replaced by the Carl Elking-Training-Center, a fully-functioning ranch in which the elks would be housed, fed and trained for elking competitions to come.

With the BSA that we all knew and loved literally crumbling before our eyes, we collectively tried to figure out our next move, as Carl had seemingly made an end-run around and/or eliminated any institutional powers that might be able to thwart his intentions. The former Board of Directors debated officially installing our beloved Simona as a BSA President-in-Exile, hoping to gather our forces, but we recognized that it would be a powerless position and that Carl would simply laugh at the feeble attempt (soon, in a sign that he may have had spies placed amongst us, he literally LOL'd the notion in a social media post).

We needed Carla, but where was she?

As Simona arrived from Romania to join in on the planning of our next move, bringing with her a load of new ideas and approaches that we hadn't yet thought of, Carl again proved to be a step ahead, throwing the full force of his new authority at what remained of his opposition with the goal of eliminating it for good.

We quickly called it "Squishing Night," and it was surely *not* silent as "all was dark, with all in fright."

Squishismo squads busted down every locked door, and crashed through every bit of unbroken glass, apprehending each individual who could not outrun the elks (apparently, all of those loyal to Carl had been tipped off prior to the raids to evacuate for their own safety). Rather than detain them in any buildings, this time the squads wrapped them in tennis nets and hung them upside down from every available streetlight while chasing everyone else off campus grounds and locking the gates behind them.

The BSA notion of leaving no one behind prevailed during the darkness of night, as Simona personally commanded multiple teams of rescuers who broke through and found openings in the BSA gates, located and cut down those who'd been captured, and led them out to safety under the noses of the Squishismo squads who were too busy to notice as they celebrated their "victory" with a very loud, drunken party that took place in the open field on the very patch of grass on which the World Elking Cup's closing ceremonies had been held just three years earlier, when all seemed right, good and heading in the correct direction. It seems like a lifetime ago now.

We had hoped that, eventually, cooler heads would prevail and things would return to some semblance of "normal." We were dead wrong.

The next morning, rather than the Church of Simona flag being raised above Henin Hall to signal the start of Winterfest Weekend, Carl personally raised a flag that featured his own image above the grounds of Backspin Academy, or what used to be known as Backspin Academy.

Overnight, Carl had announced -- while everyone fled for their lives -- that the new name would be Carl-Backspin Academy (CBSA), and by morning the signs atop the entrance were already in the process of being altered. At 7 a.m., he stated that the annual winter weekend activities would commence at their regularly scheduled time, and that this year the standard of visitor would be raised tremendously as only those on the "Carl approved" list would be allowed to attend. All who applied for entry only had to personally provide Carl with their social media history from the last five years, as well as a handwritten essay that detailed all that Carl has meant to their successful journey in life.

"IT BE BIGGEST CARLFEST WEEKEND. EVER," he posted.

Needless to say, it was the worst Winterfest Weekend ever, as there was none. What did take place did so behind closed doors, with the campus walls lined with Squishismo squad members prepared for any actions that might threaten the new status quo. With everyone feeling as if one intemperate move might light the fuse of something far, far worse the majority of us stayed away. As far away as possible.

The banished throng still decided to join together as usual, though, expressing our thankfulness that we'd all managed to safely escape, while also displaying confidence that we could still reclaim all that had been good about our beloved BSA.

Clearly, the power that Carl enjoyed during the World Elking Cup had gone to his head, or his jealously over our and the world's love of Carla had overtaken and warped him. Or maybe, and probably most likely, Carl had simply played us all for fools, and had only now -- when the opportunity was right -- dropped the mask of newfound respectability that he'd seemed to "earn" in recent years. We had hoped that the good that Carla saw in Carl was truly there, and we wanted to believe that his transformation was genuine. But it had all been a ruse, and he had instead recognized our weakness early on, then waited to use it against us for his own gain.

Carl had shown us long ago who he truly was, and shame on us for not believing it. Unfortunately, even Carla is sometimes wrong.

When this year's "Winterfest" (we refuse to call it by its desecration of a name) was over, we all met on the other side of town. It was then that, finally, we enjoyed our first good news in a long time.

While we all waited for Simona to arrive, a sudden cheer went out from one side of our gathering. Everyone turned in the same direction to see Simona... and walking right beside her was none other than Carla. Everyone cheered in a wild mix of relief and joy, creating a sound so loud that we secretly hoped that Carl could hear it from his cave so far away.

Everyone broke into an instant "Si-mo-na! Si-mo-na!" chant, followed by "Car-la! Car-la! Car-la!" soon afterward.

We hadn't seen our Carla for weeks, and some worried that we might not ever again. But Simona was not one of those. Instead she'd entered through one of the secret entrances to the campus' underground tunnel system, and spent days upon days searching every area looking for Carla. She eventually found her, in a cavern positioned far beneath the surface, near the bank of the river. She was tied up atop a 30-foot high umpire's chair without a ladder from which to climb down, "surrounded by swarming Kyrgios fans" (or so Carla joked... at least we *think* she was joking -- either way, the comment fired up the crowd).

Simona had spent the last two days nursing Carla back to health, until she was ready to make the journey here to see us.

Once everyone had welcomed Carla back, we could see that Simona had a huge grin on her face. We watched as she dug into her bag and pulled out something we hadn't seen in ages -- and some *never* had -- in the form of what was the forerunner to a very special flag.

Before the official Church of Simona flag, with historical crest, had been unveiled a few years ago, an early version had been produced that never saw the light of day. It had been privately presented to Simona as a personal keepsake, and since the usual ceremonies were unable to be held this year (the official banners are still being held in a climate-controlled underground storage unit at an undisclosed bunker located somewhere on campus... a location which Carl knows nothing about) she felt that it was appropriate to pull it out for the world to see.

"To remind us of the good times of the past, and those that we can still look forward to in the future," Simona said. It brought a wide smile to every face, and a sense of the tenacity that will be required for whatever must come next. As BSA history has shown, we've never been stronger than when we've faced, persevered and prevailed over adversity together.

It was decided then and there that Carl was not going to *completely* ruin this year's Winterfest, as we worked as one to create a very special, abbreviated one that we won't soon forget.

Our Rally Winterfest moment included versions of several of our annual traditions, starting off with Simona passing around her special flag so that everyone could lay hands upon it.

After a round of uplifting carols (yes, that *was* Taylor and Alona arm-in-arm as they sang the line "united arrre we-ee!" to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"), BSA Poet Laureate in Residence Diane Dees presented her always-anticipated reading of her legendary poem "Billie Jean King's Glasses". This year, as always, it seemed to provide our hearts with the perfect amount of hope and inspiration.

Afterward, as happened at last year's Winterfest, Diane again noticed a cloud formation that seemed to many of us to resemble a floating image of tennis' original rebellious spirit, Suzanne Lenglen, whose ghost has graciously haunted -- in a good way -- the BSA campus for quite some time. We all saw it as a wonderful omen for the future.

Late in the day, just as everyone realized that we were all famished, we were surprised -- shocked, really -- to see famous chef Carla Hall show up. Some very weird wires had erroneously crossed in order for her to find her way there, but we all wholeheartedly appreciated the well-prepared meal that she whipped up for everyone!

Our full stomachs served to fill our heads with renewed confidence and intensity of purpose.

Carl may have gotten the better of us this time, beating us down and imperiling our spirit. But we have *not* been defeated. We win strike back, and we will win this battle. It won't be easy, but we'll never stop fighting.

Not yesterday. Not today. And surely never forever.