Sunday, December 05, 2004

2004 WTA Yearbook

**STUDENT COUNCIL**

CLASS PRESIDENT (sr.high): Lindsay Davenport
CLASS PRESIDENT (jr.high): Maria Sharapova

VICE-PRESIDENT: Amelie Mauresmo
VICE-PRESIDENT (in absentia): Justine Henin-Hardenne

VALEDICTORIAN: Anastasia Myskina
SALUTATORIAN: Elena Dementieva
CLASS TREASURER: Serena Williams

FACULTY/STUDENT BODY LIAISON: Svetlana Kuznetsova


**FACULTY**

CAMPUS DEAN: Martina Navratilova

FACULTY HEAD: Arantxa Sanchez Vicario
TENURED PROFESSOR: Monica Seles (on sabbatical)

MALE TEACHER OF THE YEAR: Robert Lansdorf
FEMALE TEACHER OF THE YEAR: Olga Morozova

FORMER (& current) STUDENT FAVORITE: Nigel Sears
FORMER (& again) TABLOID FAVORITE: Damir Dokic

EMPIRE MAKER: Nick Bollettieri
FIRED "FAMILY BREAKER?": Borna Bikic

CHARITIES DIRECTOR: Chanda Rubin
PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER: Steffi Graf
MEDIA RELATIONS DIRECTOR (in training): Martina Hingis
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR: Anna Kournikova (fired; post is now vacant)

HAS HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM IN '05: Russian Fed Cup coach Shamil Tarpischev
HAD HIS HEART CUT OUT OF HIM IN '04: French Fed Cup coach Guy "Amelie Forgot
Me" Forget


**JUNIOR/SENIOR PROM COMMITTEE**

PROM QUEEN: Maria Sharapova

QUEEN'S COURT: Tatiana Golovin, Maria Kirilenko, Nicole Vaidisova, Vera Douchevina, Kirsten Flipkens, Michaella Krajicek, Anna Chakvetadze, Emma Laine, Shahar Peer

LADY-IN-WAITING: Vera Zvonareva
LADY-IN (EVERYONE ELSE) WAITING: Nadia Petrova

JILTED EX-KING: Lleyton Hewitt
SOUR EX-QUEEN: Jennifer Capriati

POST-PROM PARTY DECORATING COMMITTEE: Venus & Serena Williams
RETIRED FORMER PARTIER: Iva Majoli
FOUL-MOUTHED PARTY CRASHER: Sesil Karatancheva

THE (sudden) WALLFLOWER: Jelena Dokic
THE (sudden) HEARTBREAKER: Kim Clijsters

PUBLICITY DIRECTOR: Serena Williams
FACULTY SUPERVISORS: Mary Pierce, Silvia Farina Elia, Amy Frazier, Elena Likhovtseva


**CLASS FAVORITES**

MOST WELL-LIKED: Anastasia Myskina
SEXIEST (according to Serena): Maria Sharapova
LOUDEST: Sesil Karatancheva

QUIETEST (Top 15): Patty Schnyder
QUIETEST (Top 20): Francesca Schiavone
QUIETEST (doubles): Cara Black

MOST TALENTED (over 20): Serena Williams
MOST TALENTED (under 20): Svetlana Kuznetsova
MOST QUESTIONABLY TALENTED: Mariana Alves & Ted Watts

MOST INTIMIDATING (again?): Damir Dokic
LEAST INTIMIDATING (2003-04): Jelena Dokic

MOST COMPLETE PERSON: Lindsay Davenport
MOST INCOMPLETE PERSON: Jelena Dokic

MOST VISIBLE: Serena Williams
MOST INVISIBLE: Venus Williams
MOST NO LONGER IN DANGER OF DISAPPEARING (literally): Daniela Hantuchova

MOST NATURAL LEADER: Anastasia Myskina
MOST NATURAL FOLLOWER (best student): Svetlana Kuznetsova
MOST UNNATURAL FOLLOWER (gone haywire): Jelena Dokic

MOST BORN TO WALK TO BEAT OF OWN DRUM: Serena Williams
MOST BORN TO BEAT A DRUM IN THE STANDS: Yuri Sharapov

MOST DRAMATICALLY ANGRY AT HERSELF: Jelena "The Debutante of Drama" Dokic
MOST DRAMATICALLY ANGRY AT HER COACH: Anastasia Myskina

MOST GRACEFUL WINNER (& loser): Lindsay Davenport
MOST GRACELESS LOSER: Serena Williams (9 times out of 10)

MOST BLAME-SHIFTING: Jennifer Capriati
MOST BLAMELESS: daughters of crude "tennis dads"

MOST CRUDELY QUOTABLE: Sesil Karatancheva
MOST CHARMINGLY QUOTABLE: Anastasia Myskina (on non-Sharapova/Sharapov topics, of course)

MOST "DISRESPECTFUL" TO HER ELDER: Gisela Dulko (to Martina Navratilova, at Roland Garros and Wimbledon)
MOST OVERLY "RESPECTFUL" TO HER ELDER: Catalina Castano (0-6/1-6 loser to Martina at Wimbledon)

BEST BARBARAS (in Fed Cup): Schett & Schwartz
BEST BARBORA: Barbora Strycova (who else?)

BEST DAUGHTER: Amanda Janes
BEST SON (in 2024?): Jaden Agassi
BEST DAUGHTERS OF THE RISING SUN: Ai Sugiyama, Shinobu Asagoe, Akiko
Morigami


**RUSSIAN HORDE ROUND TABLE**

LEADING LADY: Anastasia Myskina
THE UNDERSTUDY: Svetlana Kuznetsova
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Elena Dementieva
THE PRODIGY: Maria Sharapova

NEXT IN LINE: Vera Zvonareva
WAITING IMPATIENTLY: Nadia Petrova
MOST OVERLOOKED: Elena Bovina

MOST "HEADACHE"-INDUCING: Alina Jidkova (if your name is Serena)
MOST WELCOMED BACK: Tatiana Panova
MOST MISSING: Lina Krasnoroutskaya

BEST VETERAN: Elena Likhovtseva
BEST SISTER: Dinara Safina

NEXT GENERATION "HORDETTES": Maria Kirilenko, Vera Douchevina, Anna
Chakvetadze, Evgenia Linetskaya

MOST RUSSIAN-BORN FRENCH PASTRY: Tatiana Golovin
MOST AMERICANIZED RUSSIAN-BORN SUPERNOVA: Maria Sharapova

MOST FEARED BY HEADLINE WRITERS: Lioudmila Skavronskaia
MOST FEARED BY ALAN SCHWARTZ: Ekaterina Bychkova

WAITING FOR THEIR OWN ROUND TABLE: The (Chinese) Fortune Cookies


**ALL-BACKSPIN TEAMS**

==CHINESE GANG OF FOUR==
Na Li, Jie Zheng, Shuai Peng, Nan-Nan Liu

==ALL-FASHION POLICE/MICHAEL POWELL HEART ATTACK-ALERT TEAM==
Serena "Go-Go" Williams
Anastasia "No One Will Ever See These Pictures, Right?" Myskina
"The Frussian Pastry's" (near) Frussian-Pastry revealing shorts


==ALL-MYSTERY TEAM==
The mindset of Wonder Girl
The personal life of the Debutante
The health of Le Petit Taureau
The love life of FilaKim
The game of Na Li (raise your hand if you've actually SEEN her play)

==ALL-UGLY TEAM==
Dementieva's serve
Dokic family peace (2004)
Dokic daddy peace (2005)
Myskina's temper
Serena's fashion sense
Kournikova: The Interviewer
Seles' foot
Sharapova-inspired jealousy

==ALL-BEAUTIFUL TEAM==
Serena's sense of theater
Sharapova's legs (so says Serena)
JHH's backhand
Myskina's interviews
Harkleroad official WTA bio pic

==ALL-"BUTCH & SUNDANCE" OUTLAWS==
Mariana Alves
Ted Watts
German Olympic Committee
Serena's Olympic e-mail
Damir vs. even smaller cell phones in 2005

==ALL-SEASON SERIES TEAM==
Serena vs. Sharapova
Davenport vs. Venus (3Q)
Capriati vs. Serena (2Q)
Mauresmo vs. Capriati (2Q)
JHH vs. Kuznetsova (1Q)
Dulko vs. Navratilova (2Q)
Sharapova vs. Myskina (2005?)

==ALL-RETIRED TEAM==
Amanda Coetzer
Iva Majoli
Anna Kournikova (?)
Monica Seles (?)
Martina Navratilova (?)
Conchita Martinez (?)
Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario (?)
Martina Hingis (?)

==ALL-ITF CHAMPIONS==
(but not bridesmaids at a Hewitt/Clijsters wedding)
Elke Clijsters & Jaslyn Hewitt

==ALL-SEASON ENDING STREAKS==
Russians - 3 straight slams
JHH - 26 straight Tier I wins
Dokic - 9 straight losses
Sharapova - 2 straight over Serena

==ALL-(old) BACKSPIN NICKNAMES==
Punch-Sober (Dementieva), The Debutante (Dokic), Wonder Girl (Hantuchova), Le Petit Taureau (JHH), The Supernova (Sharapova), The Blue Angel (Weingartner)

==ALL-(new) BACKSPIN NICKNAMES==
The Frussian Pastry (Golovin), The Czarina (Myskina), The Contessova (Kuznetsova), Darth Vaidisova, The Cookies (Chinese), Penny (Laine)


**ODDS & ENDS**

WINNING WITH BRACES: Svetlana Kuznetsova
BRACING TO WIN (a slam, come hell or Fed Cup tie): Amelie Mauresmo

FIRST-TIME TITLEISTS (what took so long?): Emilie Loit & Nicole Pratt
FIRST-TIME TITLEISTS? (or not): #12 Nadia Petrova, #18 Karolina Sprem...the highest-ranked players without a WTA singles title in their careers

FRESHMAN RISE: Nicole Vaidisova
FRESHMAN "SLUMP": Maria Kirilenko

SOPHOMORE RISE: Karolina Sprem (at Wimbledon)
SOPHOMORE SLUMP: Karolina Sprem (after Wimbledon)

AUSSIE EX-JUNIOR RISE: Alicia Molik
EX-AUSSIE JUNIOR SLUMP: Jelena Dokic

SENIOR RISE: Elena Likhovtseva
SENIOR SLUMP: Chanda Rubin

FAVORITE NICKNAME: The Blue Angel
MOST USED NICKNAME: The Supernova
MOST UNDER-USED NICKNAME: The Tunisian Tornado (Sfar)

MOST IN NEED OF A "PERMANENT" NICKNAME: Sesil Karatancheva (Miss
Independent, Bulgarian Bluster, Miss Mouth and Little Big Mouth just haven't cut it)
POTENTIAL NEW NICKNAME IN 2005: The Czechers/The Czeckers/The Czech Maidens

BEST QUOTE: "The trouble is you can't play many matches when you lose them." (Jelena Dokic)
BEST (& WORST) QUOTE: "I want to kick (Sharapova's) ass off." (Sesil Karatancheva)
MOST REVEALING/PROPHETIC QUOTE: "No one is going to push me around. I know what I want and how to get it." (Maria Sharapova)


GETS MOST OUT OF TALENT (sometimes, to grand effect): Anastasia Myskina
GET MOST OUT OF TALENT (finally!): Alicia Molik, post-Athens
GETS LEAST OUT OF TALENT (still): Nadia Petrova

MOST ENCOURAGING: Jelena Dokic back with her family
LEAST ENCOURAGING: Jelena Dokic back with Damir

MOST RESONATE SLAM MOMENT (now): Myskina is first Russian slam champ
MOST RESONATE COOKIE MOMENT (2008): Na Li is first Chinese WTA champ
MOST NON-RESONATING SLAM MOMENTS: Davenport & Mauresmo at Melbourne, Paris, London & NYC

MOST MEMORABLE GREAT PERFORMANCE: Sharapova at Wimbledon
MOST FORGOTTEN GREAT PERFORMANCE: Claudine Schaul at Strasbourg
MOST UNEXPECTED NEAR-GREAT PERFORMANCE: Likhovtseva at Montreal

BEST US OPEN SHOW: Serena's pre-match fashion show
WORST USA SHOW: CNBC's talk-monstrosity "McEnroe" (mercifully cancelled on
Friday)

HOT STARTERS/COLD FINISHERS: Week 1 Auckland finalists Eleni Daniilidou & Ashley Harkleroad
COLD START/WARM FINISH: Serena Williams
LUKEWARM START/SCALDING HOT FINISH: Maria Sharapova

DIDN'T YOU USED TO BE MISS HRDLICKOVA?: Kveta Peschke
DIDN'T YOU USED TO BE #4 IN THE WORLD?: Jelena Dokic
DIDN'T YOU USED TO BE #5 IN THE WORLD?: Daniela Hantuchova
WON'T YOU BE #1 IN THE WORLD SOMEDAY?: Svetlana Kuznetsova

HARDCOURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Lindsay Davenport
CLAYCOURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Amelie Mauresmo
GRASSCOURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Maria Sharapova
INDOOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Anastasia Myskina

1st '04 RUSSIAN TITLEIST: Zvonareva in Memphis
LAST '04 RUSSIAN TITLEIST: Sharapova in L.A.
FINAL '04 RUSSIAN TITLE: Team Russia in Fed Cup

BEST "FEUD": Sharapova vs. "The Spartaks"
WORST "FAMILY FEUD": Jelena vs. Damir

SMASHNOVA TITLES IN '02: 4
PISTOLESI TITLES IN '03: 2
SMASHNOVA-PISTOLESI TITLES IN '04: 1

FIRED HER MOTHER: Dinara Safina
RE-HIRED HER FATHER: Jelena Dokic
JILTED HER FIANCE: Kim Clijsters

2004's QUIETEST 3-TIME SINGLES FINALISTS: Martina Sucha, Iveta Benesova & Flavia Pennetta
2004's QUIETEST 3-TIME SLAM DOUBLES CHAMPS: Ruano-Pascual/Suarez


==BACKSPIN'S FAVORITE BACKSPINS==
1.The Passion of the Supernova (July 6)
2.What If...Monica Seles Had Never Been Stabbed (March 16)
3.Athena Would Be Proud (August 23)
4.Anastasia the Great (June 7)
5.Oh, to be 17...and Backspin PoY (November 18)
HM-Finally a Bride (September 14)


STORY OF THE YEAR: Sharapova at SW19
"STORY" OF THE YEAR: Story Tweedie-Yates (ITF title winner and "Name of the Year")
NAME OF THE YEAR RUNNER-UP: Mariana Lopez-Terribile


And finally...


==ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS==
1.an e-mail from Serena
2.a smile from the Debutante
3.an apology from the G.O.C.
4.a quote from the Czarina
5.a bag of Fortune Cookies (racket included)
6.rest & chicken soup for JHH
7.a serve for Punch-Sober
8.a better end for Seles
9.a "chill pill" for Yuri Sharapov
10.total focus from at least one Williams sister



All for now.

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