2007 WTA Review

The time has come. (Thoughts and words brought to you free of charge...)

=STUDENT COUNCIL=
CLASS PRESIDENT: Justine Henin (turning dirty water into wine)
VICE PRESIDENT: Jelena Jankovic (customarily, behind La Petit Taureau)
PRESIDENT PRO TEMPORE: Ana Ivanovic

CO-VALEDICTORIANS: Venus & Serena Williams (whenever they're present and in good health)

CO-SALUTATORIANS: Daniela Hantuchova & Marion Bartoli (meeting up in the Top 10 after very different journeys)
CLASS TREASURER: Maria Sharapova (itching to move back up the WTA ladder)
SCHOOL SPIRIT COORDINATORS: Svetlana Kuznetsova, Anna Chakvetadze, Nadia Petrova & Elena Vesnina

VOICE FROM ON HIGH: Roger Federer (exciting Svetlana Kuznetsova, but not inspiring her to Swiss Mister-esque results in finals)
DEPOSED EX-MDE. PRESIDENT: Amelie Mauresmo (still healing, and admiring her diamond racquet)

DETENTION MONITOR (somewhat voluntarily): Martina Hingis
THE NEW/OLD KID (after having served her time): Sesil Karatantcheva

"I'm definitely in better shape than I get credit for. It's just because I have large knockers and I have a big ass... I was just in the lockerroom staring at my body, and I'm like, 'Am I really not fit? Or is it just because I have all these extra assets that I look not fit?' I think if I were not to eat for two years, I still wouldn't be a size two. We're living in a Mary-Kate Olsen world. I'm just not built that way. I'm bootylicious, and that's how it's always going to be." - Serena, during her Australian Open title run

=FACULTY, STAFF & DEPARTMENT HEADS=
CAMPUS DEAN: Lindsay Davenport (now accepting bids from contractors for that adjacent-to-the-office baby nursery)
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Rainer Hoffman (for Patty, naturally, as well as just about any other Pussycat Dolls-wannabe who asks, apparently)
TENURED PROFESSOR: Elena Dementieva (still Punch-Sober, and not quite ready to leave the party)
HEAD TENNIS COACH/FATHER FIGURE: Carlos Rodriguez
HEAD TENNIS COACH/FATHER/DOCTOR: Walter Bartoli
(GARBLED) COMMUNICATION DIRECTOR: Patty Schnyder (there seems to be a bit of white noise here... or am I confusing the situation with that of the OTHER Swiss player in the Top 20?)
COMMENCEMENT KEYNOTE SPEAKER: Marion Bartoli (Speech title: "James Bond and You: Using 007 to Achieve Your Life Goals")
SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Venus Williams

AMERICANIZED HISTORY: Liezel Huber (formerly head of "South African Studies" division), with Cara Black ably providing a Zimbabwe-centered alternate take on things from the back of the room
FRENCH: Virginie Razzano (despite Venus' attempts to veto her appointment)
CHINESE: Shuai Peng (position now in question due to future absence of Michael Chang)
SPANISH: Anabel Medina-Garrigues (looks like no one else applied for the job)
ITALIAN: Francesca Schiavone (now with a title... err, I mean "diploma" on her office wall)
FASHION (for the blind): Bethanie Mattek (seriously, what was she thinking?)

WELL-PLANNED PARENTHOOD: Sybille Bammer
BRITISH LITERATURE-101: Nicole Vaidisova (Jelena, ask her to explain why Justine is your personal white whale)
SCHOOL OF ARTS, DRAMA: Serena Williams

SCHOOL OF ARTS, MUSIC: Vania King (Simon Cowell says, "You're going to Hollywood, V.)
SCHOOL OF ARTS, DANCE: "Dancing" star Iva Majoli (following in the fancy footsteps of Alicia Molik)
WORLD RELIGIONS (and being NYC faves): Shahar Peer & Sania Mirza
POLITICAL SCIENCE: Lisa Raymond (not blaming Samantha's body, nor Liezel's new citizenship, for "robbing" her of the title of best American doubles player)
PSYCHOLOGY: Daniela Hantuchova (sometimes a ball is just a ball, and realizing that leads to more titles... even if it took five years to complete the intellectual journey)
SELF-PUBLISHING: Kim Clijsters (Isn't publishing your fans' letters a little like writing your own praising blurb for the dust jacket of your novel?)
(Still?) DELAYED RETIREMENT PLANNING: Jennifer Capriati
SEX ED: Sesil Karatantcheva, back in '08 following a two-year involuntary sabbatical (first lecture topic title: "I Know You Like Me. I Know You Do. Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me? Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend was a Freak Like Me? Don't Cha?")

YEARBOOK PHOTOGRAPHER/MODEL:

Tatiana Golovin (more than just a hip-huggers sort of gal)

"It's been more than fun, but the racquets are hung up." - Kim Clijsters, after Warsaw, heading into retirement

=JUNIOR/SENIOR PROM COMMITTEE=
PROM QUEEN: Agnes Szavay

LADY-IN-WAITING: Victoria Azarenka
JUNIOR QUEEN: Urszula Radwanska
QUEEN'S COURT: Agnieszka Radwanska, Lucie Safarova, Tamira Paszek, Michaella Krajicek, Caroline Wozniacki, Kateryna Bondarenko, Aravane Rezai, Vera Dushevina, Olga Govortsova, Ioana-Raluca Olaru, Alla Kudryavtseva Sorana Cirstea, Aleksandra Wozniak
JUNIOR QUEEN'S COURT: Alize Cornet, Ksenia Milevskaya, Madison Brengle, Mariana Duque Marino, Kristina Kucova, Ayumi Morita, Polona Hercog, Monica Niculescu, Katarzyna Piter, Oksana Kalashnikova, Bojana Jovanovski, Nikola Hofmanova
PARTY-CRASHERS: Yung-Jan Chan & Chia-Jung Chuang
BANGING ON THE AUDITORIUM DOORS: Sesil Karatantcheva
HOME WISHING TO BE BIG, JUST LIKE HER SISTER (hold your Hungarian horses, girl): Blanka Szavay

YEARBOOK GRAFFITI: "I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here! Have a nice offseason... and wait 'ti you see me next year, boy" - Agnes

=CLASS FAVORITES=
MOST WELL-LIKED: Justine Henin (okay, this is Backspin's personal choice... but at least it's not quite as lonely in this corner as it was a year ago)
MOST WELL-LIKED, AFTER LIMITED EXPOSURE: "La Trufflette" Marion Bartoli
MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED: Agnes Szavay (having the belief in self is half the battle)
HOTTEST "HOTTIE": Maria Sharapova (under Extreme Heat Conditions)

CUTEST ACCENT: Anna Chakvetadze
PERSONALITY PLUS: Jelena Jankovic
PERSONALITY MINUS: Rafael Font de Mora (Anna-Lena's choice)
QUIETEST: Amelie Mauresmo's "year after" (excluding the blinged-up racquet, of course)
HEARTBREAKER: Julia Vakulenko's ailing body, which let her down at all the wrong times
MOST ADMIRED: Althea Gibson, several decades late... but still

MOST GLAD TO HAVE CLOSER TO BEING BACK IN FORM: Alicia Molik
MOST FLEXIBLE: Jelena Jankovic (Kim's understudy makes good... NOW what's Clijsters' legacy?)

MOST MISSED (due to illness): Nicole Vaidisova
MOST MISSED (due to... well, take your pick from a lost list): Anastasia Myskina
MOST MISSED (due to "other"): Sesil Karatantcheva
MOST LIKE A SIBLING, IN A FRUSTRATING WAY: Dinara Safina
MOST LIKE A SIBLING, IN A GOOD WAY:

Michaella Krajicek (Richard, circa 1996 at SW19)... maybe some day

"I felt like I was playing against a guy, the way her serves were coming at me. It's sometimes scary, and when she starts to scream, I'm like, 'Come on.' She's quite a powerful, big girl." - Jelena Jankovic, after losing to Ana Ivanovic in the Los Angeles SF

=RUSSIAN CLUB=
CHAIRWOMAN: Anna Chakvetadze
ASSISTANT TO THE CHAIRWOMAN: Anna Pavlyuchenkova (still learning the ropes)
THE NEXT BIG THING?: Maria Kirilenko (maybe there IS more Sharapova in her than Kournikova, after all)

MAYBE NOT THE NEXT BIG THING?: Olga Poutchkova (though at least she was talked off the ledge in the season's final weeks)
AT A CROSSROADS: Nadia Petrova
STAR-CROSSED: Anastasia Myskina (apparently, the Czarina and ice skates do not mix)
CURSED (by Mr. Spiker & Monsieur Cantin): Maria "Even the Supernova Isn't Immune" Sharapova
RESURRECTED IN MOSCOW: Elena Dementieva
M.I.A.: Elena Bovina
BEST SISTER: Yaroslava Shvedova (Pavel's pride and joy, as well as a first-time tour champion in' 07)
VETERAN: Nadia Petrova (had a better season than you realize, but the career goal window is closing fast)
(World) TEAM (Tennis) COORDINATOR: Elena Likhovtseva

WANNABE TV PRODUCER: Maria Sharapova (Hmmm... a series set behind the scenes of the women's tennis tour. I wonder where she got THAT idea?)
TEACHER'S PET: Svetlana Kuznetsova (does Professor Federer like apples?)
MOST UNFAIRLY ACCUSED: Anastassia Rodionova
WOMAN TO GO TO FOR ALL YOUR TENNIS BETTING NEEDS: Olga Poutchkova, who said in '06 that she was surprised that surprise '07 Wimbledon finalist Marion Bartoli hadn't yet won a grand slam
ITF PRINCESSES: Anna Lapushchenkova, Alisa Kleybanova, Regina Kulikova, Evgeniya Linetskaya, Natalia Orlova, Anastastia Pivovarova, Galina Fokina, Evgeniya Rodina

NextGEN HORDETTES: Vera Dushevina, Alla Kudryavtseva & Vasilisa Bardina

"It's tough being Mother Teresa and playing tennis at the same time." - Maria Sharapova

=HONOR SOCIETY ROLL CALL=
HARD COURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Justine Henin
CLAY COURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Justine Henin
GRASS COURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Venus Williams
INDOOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Justine Henin
FED CUP PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Svetlana Kuznetsova

=SCHOOL SPIRIT SECTION=
*ALL-BEAUTIFUL*
Good Tatiana

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Steffi Graf, for generously forgiving Andre for accidentally hitting her in the face with that racquet during a fundraiser game (and by "generous," of course, I mean he'll only be making it up to her until the end of 2008, at the earliest)
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Two Hungarians, Agnes Szavay and designer Marta Makany, making great fashion music together

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Jelena Jankovic's honesty after taking the Justine-less Rome event ("You know why I won? Because Henin didn't come.")
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Elena Vesnina's WTA website bio photo

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Bud Collins, hired by ESPN and Tennis Channel for grand slam coverage
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Justine Henin's 9-0 career record vs. Jelena Jankovic
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Madonna... err, I mean Lindsay... and child

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Equal prize money
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Sharapova's "Swan Lake" dress, the most elegant outfit of the season

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Arantxa Sanchez Vicario in the Hall of Fame

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Corporal Shahar and Princess Sania's NYC support during the U.S. Open
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Mauresmo's $1.3 million diamond-encrusted racquet prize from Antwerp
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Justine, after playing the exciting Austrian teenager, saying Tamira Paszek is a future Top 5 player
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"The Party Planner" putting an end to the charade, and going into self-imposed permanent exile. She will be missed around these parts...even if it's not exactly for all the "right" reasons. Still, the wedding dress is very nice.

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YEARBOOK GRAFFITI: "Hey, if you don't like my dancing, then stick it. See you next year, T." - A-Rad

*ALL-UGLY*
"Bad" Tatiana... red knickers are more than just red knickers when they're red at Wimbledon

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That after ASV and Conchita Martinez, no great Spanish female player ever emerged, while the men produced the likes of Nadal, Ferrer, etc.
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Sharapova's performance against Serena in the Australian Open final
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Sharapova's performance against Agnieszka Radwanska in the U.S. Open 3rd Round
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Sharapova's serve... other than in Melbourne, San Diego and Madrid
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Serena's Miami heckler
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Martina Hingis' final career headlines (until further notice, at least)
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The Chinese Fed Cup team eligibility rules misinterpretation
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All right, maybe "ugly" isn't fair. Maybe "unnecessary" would work better? But, really, Mattek's "Bethanie's Secret"-styled outfit was just further proof that what she really craves most is attention. Actually, with all the eye-rolling fun she causes to abound at the slams each year, maybe she should be listed on the "All-Beautiful" list, too.
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Jelena Jankovic's 0-9 career record vs. Justine Henin
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Amelie's alliterative appendicitis absense
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Bud Collins, fired by NBC
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"She made a lot of lucky shots." - Serena Williams, after losing to Justine Henin at the U.S. Open, making it three straight defeats at the hands of the Belgian in the 2007 grand slams

*AnaIvo... umm, just because*

YEARBOOK GRAFFITI: "All is forgiven, T ...and you can't do anything about it. (Evil Belgian Laugh) Keep being U." - Kim

=ALL BACKSPIN WANTS BY CHRISTMAS 2008=
Singles semifinals featuring two Bondarenkos and two Radwanskas
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FINALLY... that long-awaited Sharapova vs Vaidisova match
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Something named for Martina Navratilova and/or Chris Evert on the grounds of the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center
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A legit reason to not have to resist Sesil for much longer. It's just more fun to have her around.
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That no one makes some crass "have a Coke and a smile" joke about Martina Hingis

(Oh... oops. Sorry. Bad Backspin.)
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A happier Girl Friday. Hang in there, Anna-Lena.
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For Jelena Dokic to have the get-up-and-go to get up and go back to the court the morning after her first disappointing loss in her latest comeback attempt
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For Justine Henin to attempt to defend her Olympic Gold medal, and not have to skip out on Beijing because of the effect the pollution might have on her asthma
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Again, just like last year, for a tennis player to appear on the American version of "Dancing with the Stars" (Anna K.? Jennifer? Chrissie?)
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The WTA's year-ending championships being shown on a real tennis network soon (seriously... Versus?)
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Speaking of... as much slam coverage from the Tennis Channel as humanly possibly. The network's debut production at Roland Garros was the best rookie season in memory.
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That AnaIvo doesn't inherit the Clijsters tag of being "too nice" to win as many slams as she should, and ultimately fulfills her vast potential
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A full year of good health for at least one Williams sister
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One more run at a slam final for Nadia Petrova
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A balled-up fist and a fighting attitude from Martina Hingis in an attempt to clear her name for posterity
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A Szeason of Szavay
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"For the first time in my life, I feel at peace." - Justine Henin

Res Ipsa Loquitur. All for now.



PAST YEARBOOKS: 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006

2007 SEASON REVIEW EDITIONS OF WTA BACKSPIN:
..........Tennisrulz Awards nominations
.........How Smart We Were / How Dumb We Were
.........Intriguing Answers: Scratching an Itch
.........2008 Revolving Doors
.........Intriguing Answers: The Top 20
.........2007 WTA Backspin Awards