2010 WTA Year in Review

The time has come. (As always, thoughts and words brought to you free of charge.)

2010: In the Land of Otherwise Unfulfilled Dreams & Unrealized Potential, a Dane is Queen

"You want the full fairy tale, but it didn't quite happen." - Samantha Stosur

The most recent Backspin Academy Student Council election campaign was as wild and wacky as ever this past year. At the start of the vote-gathering season, we were all expecting a "classic" race. But what we mostly got was a messy collection of moments. Some were heartwarming and memorable, while others were anything but. In fact, the rhetoric was often dirty and lowdown, and relatively few candidates emerged unscathed. People were called "sluts," one discontented Russian was mad at the world for months on end, and a Serbian mother at one point not-so-subtly showed her fangs to her candidate daughter's "tea-drinking" countrywoman rival (and then her daughter mimiced said rival on the court).

By midseason, several early Presidential frontrunners had been forced to pull out of the race, while others reluctantly decided to put their names on the ballot in only a few selected localities. Many poll watchers saw their overall interest wane as a result. Then, with so many "incomplete" strategies being factored into the political mix, a tremendously likable "third-party" candidate actually managed to sneak through and win the final vote tally. Of course, many hand-wringers decided that it made this the perfect time to whine about the voting process. For the rest of us sane campaign junkies, it simply provided a nice moment to take a nap while the white noise lulled us to sleep.

President (Miss) Congeniality might not be the "perfect" blonde leader. Not yet, at least. But I'm sure there are enough voters out there who are willing to give her a chance to grow into the role for us to avoid some sort of Constitutional crisis before the next political cycle revs up. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

But, anyway, EVERY year is an election year. By the end of the next campaign twelve months from now, everything might have been turned on its head all over again. After all, it's been known to happen.

=STUDENT COUNCIL=
CLASS PRESIDENT: Caroline Wozniacki
LADY PRESIDENT OF THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION (but, like the lottery, you have to play to win): Serena Williams

VICE PRESIDENT: Vera Zvonareva
CO-PRESIDENTS PRO TEMPORE: Gisela Dulko & Flavia Pennetta
VALEDICTORIAN: Kim Clijsters

SALUTATORIAN: Justine Henin (the second-highest polling Belgian, despite closing campaign HQ early in the summer)
CLASS TREASURER: Belgian Barbie (with Jada accessory)

SCHOOL SPIRIT COORDINATOR: Francesca Schiavone (& her underwear-clad team of revellers)
STUDENT/FACULTY LIAISON: Elena Dementieva
SECRETARY/MEETING MINUTE-KEEPER: Andrea Petkovic (also part-time dance choreographer)
Personae Non Gratae, AS FAR AS BACKSPIN ACADEMY IS CONCERNED (blame Mattel): Barbara Millicent Roberts

"I never believe I've lost until I'm shaking hands. And sometimes I don't believe it then, either." - Serena Williams

Backspin Academy's humble and hardworking staff occasionally undergoes some upheavel, but the student body (which sometimes includes a few of our instructors, who pull double duty in order to show how much they care) is generally pleased with those entrusted with molding their impressionable minds like the blocks of clay that they are. Oh, sure, some say that a few members of our staff wield a little TOO much influence (Mr. P-Woz, are you blushing?), but as everybody's favorite teacher, Mrs. M.J. Fernandez, noted recently, "none of us -- or our decisions -- are ever perfect ALL the time."

When she heard this, one of our students, a particularly outspoken young woman named Aravane, simply snorted and said, "No kidding, I could've told you that." Or at least that's what we think she said, since it was only moments later that she was heard spouting off about some other topic totally unrelated to what anyone else in the corridors of Mauresmo Hall was discussing.

Of course, at the close of many academic sessions, we're forced to bid adieu to some of our most beloved campus personalities. Amongst the heartfelt goodbye moments this year were send-offs for dear Ms. Dementieva, Pin and Husarova. We also were sad to hear of the moving on of the newly-married Mrs. Vaidisova-Stepanek (oh, it seems like yesterday that she was but a fresh-faced newcomer), though we certainly hope that she decides to rejoin our ranks again in the future, for she surely has so much more to offer. Naturally, as the universe usually sees fit to balance out these sorts of things, we were also treated to short-but-enjoyable visits this past year from some old favorites named Davenport, Maleeva and Hingis.

Meanwhile, Professor Date-Krumm continues to amaze us with her longevity and energy. Somehow, everyone figures that she'll outlast us all. Well, excluding dean emeritus Navratilova, that is.

=FACULTY, STAFF, DEPARTMENT HEADS & APPOINTEES=
Co-DEANS OF STUDENTS (and part-time students): Gisela Dulko & Flavia Pennetta (though Ms. Dulko gets to sit in the big chair)

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR (24/7): Piotr Wozniacki
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR (PART-TIME): Heinz Gunthardt
SECOND-YEAR PROFESSOR WHO IS STILL EVERYONE'S FAVORITE EDUCATOR... though she did get called to the Deans' office the other day after an incident with Student Oudin, just to make sure everything was still copasetic: Mary Joe Fernandez
ATHLETIC TRAINERS: position vacant (apparently, some members of the most recent staff are involved in litigation with a student named Virginie)
YEARBOOK EDITOR TRAINER RECOMMENDATION: whoever helped Student Stosur earn her "gun" collection

SCHOOL MEDICAL STAFF: All those Nameless Heroes who immediately rushed to the side of Student Azarenka in New York

INTRODUCING...: Fatima Al Nebhani (the first individual from Oman to grace our campus... welcome, Fatima)
ACADEMY HISTORIAN: Bud Collins (always and forever)
(GARBLED) COMMUNICATION DIRECTOR: Laura Robson (remember, every thought needn't be publicly uttered)
ON ADMINISTRATIVE SUSPENSION FOR CONDUCT DETRIMENTAL TO THE ACADEMY: James Blake (finally someone was able to guide our perpetually-suspended colleague, Pam Shriver, out of the darkness of the whispered-about-but-never-confirmed-to-exist -- and you didn't hear this from me -- underground "dungeon" beneath the McEnroe Natatorium, only to find himself having to take Pam's place in theoretical purgatory)

SUBSTITUTE OF THE YEAR: Student Yanina Wickmayer (says the suspended/unsuspended/wild card granted/Auckland tournament champ/wild card not granted/Fed Cup fill-in, "Hey, when I want people to know where I am, they end up knowing all too well.")
SCHOOL OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY: Vera Zvonareva
SCHOOL OF (Sane) INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS: Shahar Peer
SCHOOL OF BUSINESS & MARKETING (all classes currently held off-campus, and when the instructor is physically able): Venus Williams (I just know I'm going to get an angry note from forever-in-absentia "Citizen Anna" about this new appointment)
ON MEDICAL LEAVE (as usual): Sabine Lisicki
SO LONG, FAREWELL... and please don't keep in touch: the group of no-account lazy bums who were assigned clean-up duty at that "fine establishment" in Germany where Miss Serena inadvertantly found herself walking on broken beer bottles

"This whole experience will make me stronger. I plan to come back better than ever." - Serena Williams

*RECENTLY-APPOINTED LANGUAGE ARTS DEPT. HEADS*
UNORTHODOX RUSSIAN: Anastasia Rodionova (with an Aussie twang) and Yaroslava Shvedova (from a Kazakh point-of-view)
CHINESE (SLAM) DEMOCRACY: Li Na & Zheng Jie
ITALIAN-101: Flavia Pennetta (the auditorium will be overflowing, I hear)
FRENCH-101: Marion Bartoli
SPANISH-101: Maria Joe Martinez-Sanchez
INTRODUCTION TO ESTONIAN: Kaia Kanepi
INTRODUCTION TO LATVIAN: Anastasija Sevastova
MODERN ANCIENT JAPANESE: Kimiko Date-Krumm
CONVERSATIONAL POLISH: Caroline Wozniacki (though she only holds occasional classes in Odense, Denmark... so get in line now if you want a seat)
(LONG-OVERLOOKED) CHARM SCHOOL DIRECTOR: Francesca Schiavone

"I can have cake now!" - Victoria Azarenka

*GUEST LECTURERS*
"Preventative Medicine, Smart Body Management & You": Victoria Azarenka (as long as she doesn't fall down the stairs on the way to the lecture hall)
"How to Resurrect a Formerly Top-Ranked Career": Dinara Safina Ana Ivanovic (speaking for the first time outside of Linz)
"How to Balance Marriage & a Tennis Career": fresh off the well-received (well, by some) '09 lecture from Mrs. Clijsters, we've booked Maria Sharapova for a future appearance (and we've got Mrs. Vaidisova-Stepanek's number on speed dial, just in case)
"Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery": Samantha Stosur & Monica Puig
"Sequels Rarely Outperform the Original": Melanie "'Courage' ≠ 'Believe'" Oudin
"Believing People are Stupid Enough to Believe Anything You Say if You Say it Self-Importantly Enough": The WTA marketing team, which will attempt to explain how a new logo can serve as a "distinctive and modern reminder of the captivating athleticism and excitement that has driven the international popularity and growth of women's pro tennis." You can tell JJ isn't buying it for a solitary second.

"I did this because I was a little bit overweight. But it was the most stupid idea that I could ever come up with." - Dinara Safina, on giving up chocolate for six months

"Well, like I said so many times before. If I would have gotten involved in what people said I would have never left the ghetto." - Venus Williams

Our student body is a talented crop, and always on the look-out for rewarding extracurricular activities to take up their valuable time.

=CLUB HEADS=
DRAMA CLUB: Vania King & Yaroslava Shvedova (though they were nearly deposed on multiple occasions during two different semesters)
(Faux) NUDE FIGURE MODELING: Venus Williams

DECEPTIVELY BARELY-THERE DRESS MODELING: Caroline Wozniacki

GLEE CLUB: Vania King (drama, singing... does this mean she's "a Rachel?")
FASHION/DESIGN: Venus Williams (so, I guess that means that her fashion detractors are "Sue's?," then)

PSYCHOLOGY CLUB: Samantha Stosur (learning how to win is as plain as the words on her wrist... specifically "attitude" and "composure," or anything else inspiring but still small enough to write on a strip of sticky athletic tape)
DEBATE CLUB/IMPROMPTU SPEECHMAKING: Aravane Rezai (she rattled a few cages this past academic year, but we like that she at least has opinions on things other than forehands)
SHAKESPEARE CLUB: Elena Vesnina (no one plays "star-crossed" with more gusto)
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING SWEATPANTS: Karolina & Kristyna Pliskova
SWIMSUIT MODELING (bikinis & tennis balls required): Ana Ivanovic

"It is so emotional. It's so hard to say goodbye. I am going to miss you so much." - Elena Dementieva

=RUSSIAN CHESS CLUB=
CHAIRWOMAN: Vera Zvonareva

ASSISTANT TO THE CHAIRWOMAN: Nadia Petrova (oh, Nadia... you never give up, and nearly bageled Kim in Oz, too)
(Still) THE NEXT BIG THING?: Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
STAR-CROSSED: Maria Sharapova
RESURRECTED FROM LENIN'S TOMB: Anna Chakvetadze
FULL OF LIFE: Alisa Kleybanova (and ready to blossom on the big stages?)
UTILITY PLAYER: Anna Lapushchenkova
READY TO FIGHT ANYONE AND EVERYONE: Svetlana Kuznetsova
SECRET WEAPON: Maria Kirilenko

ON INJURED RESERVE: Dinara Safina
JUNIOR VARSITY NextGEN HORDETTES OF THE FUTURE: Daria Gavrilova, Ksenia Pervak, Evgeniya Rodina, Yulia Putintseva & Irina Khromacheva

"First of all, I'd like to thank the Sony Ericsson WTA tour for everything they've done to us." - Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova

"The doctor told me that she didn't think I was going to grow much more. It was a pretty sad day." - Melanie Oudin

=JUNIOR/SENIOR PROM COMMITTEE=
PROM QUEEN: Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
LADY-IN-WAITING: Alexandra Dulgheru
JUNIOR QUEENS: Karolina & Kristyna Pliskova
QUEEN'S COURT: Petra Kvitova, Coco Vandeweghe, Simona Halep, Polona Hercog, Mathilde Johansson, Johanna Larsson, Chistina McHale, Zarina Diyas, Ayumi Morita, Chang Kai-Chen, Ajla Tomljanovic and Bojana Jovanovski
JUNIOR QUEEN'S COURT: Heather Watson, Sloane Stephens, Beatrice Capra, Sachie Ishizu, Elina Svitolina, Chanel Simmonds, Timea Babos, Camila Silva, Ons Jabeur and Zhang Saisai
PARTY-CRASHERS (RSVP'd to arrive sometime in 2011-12): Rebecca Marino & Alison Riske
BACK FOR MORE CASH (and Academy dances): Tamira Paszek
SUDDEN WALLFLOWER: Melanie Oudin (especially in Mrs. Fernandez's class)
SCHEDULED PROM ADVISOR: Radek Stepanek (scouting for the future)

"She serves so well and mixes up her shots. It seems like every time I would have an opening, she would hit a big serve. I know what it's like now playing myself. I was very impressed." - Venus Williams, giving the ultimate compliment to Rebecca Marino

"After Miami, she felt like I wasn't good enough to play with anymore." - Cara Black, on Liezel Huber
"Whenever we mentioned something about the #1 ranking, Cara would just tighten up. For me it was never 'Liezel Huber the #1 player.' But I felt for her it was 'Cara Black the #1 player.' Who cares what the ranking is?" - Liezel Huber, on Cara Black

=CLASS FAVORITES=
MOST WELL-LIKED: Flavia Pennetta

MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED (at some point on a final Saturday): Caroline Wozniacki
POWER DUO-NO-MORE: Cara Black & Liezel Huber
MOST COOLED-OFF RUSSIANS: The Hordette Fed Cup team
PERSONALITY PLUS: Andrea Petkovic (though, to be fair, Miss Jankovic has demanded a hand count of the ballots)
MOST CHARMING SMILE/CELEBRATION: Tsvetana Pironkova

MOST ENDEARING HEART: Francesca Schiavone

QUIETEST TOP 20 HONOR ROLL STUDENTS: Marion Bartoli & Agnieszka Radwanska
QUIETEST (and only) SOUTH AMERICAN A+ STUDENT: Mariana Duque-Marino (in Bogota)
MOST ADMIRED COMEBACK: Mirjana Lucic
QUIETEST (Kiwi) COMEBACK: Marina Erakovic
QUIETEST COMEBACK BY A MOM: Ashley Harkleroad (in Miami)
QUIETEST SINGLES/DOUBLES TITLE-SWEEPING CZECH/SWIMSUIT MODEL: Iveta Benesova (in Fes... and somewhere warm, I'm assuming)

"Every match I win now, it's like winning an entire tournament." - Mirjana Lucic

MOST ENDANGERED: Maria Sharapova's pressure-immune "Supernovic" legacy
MOST ENGAGED/FINALLY MARRIED STUDENT: Sania Mirza
HOPING TO PROVE MARRIAGE & TENNIS SUCCESS ARE INDEED INTERTWINED: Maria Sharapova
MOST UNBECOMING RUSSIAN TO RUSSIAN COACHES, WORLDWIDE CRITICS, "DISRESPECTFUL" YOUNGER PLAYERS & FORMER HORDETTES NAMED ANASTASIA: Svetlana Kuznetsova
LATE BLOOMER: Anastasia Rodionova
MAYBE NOT SO LOST A CAUSE, AFTER ALL: Ana Ivanovic, Anna Chakvetadze & Tamira Paszek
SMARTEST (Future?) TOURNAMENT TIE-IN: "The Wozniacki Open" at Yale?
NEW/OLD KID: Justine Henin
MOST MISSED: La Petit Taureau 1.0
MOST MISSED (in retrospect): La Petit Taureau 2.0's "improvement"
MOST ANTICIPATED?: La Petit Taureau 3.0?
MOST LOST IN THE SHUFFLE: Deuce (he's the hairy one)

"I feel almost like a butterfly on the court again." - Jelena Jankovic, in a good moment

"I think it was a real "G moment." - Serena Williams, after winning in Melbourne, in a generous (to her sponsor Gatorade's latest ad campaign) moment

Not everything is subjective, though. G.P.A.'s and S.A.T. scores are important, too.

=HONOR SOCIETY ROLL CALL=
HARD COURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Kim Clijsters
CLAY COURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Samantha Stosur
GRASS COURT PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Serena Williams
INDOOR PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Ana Ivanovic
FED CUP PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Flavia Pennetta

"When we were in the 3rd Round, (my team) said, 'If you win Roland Garros, we run all the Champs-Elysees without (clothes).' I say, 'No, please, with underwear.' (After the final) we finished dinner with all the team and friends. We were close to the Champs-Elysees and I say, 'Now it's your turn.' So they take off pants, they take off t-shirt... they remain with shoes and underwear. They run through the first light and then came back." - Francesca Schiavone, on nudity, non-nudity, and celebrating winning in Paris

"Andrea Petkovic's father seems like a father-type that we need to see more often on the tour. He's helping his daughter on and off court without forgetting that he should be there as a father first. I do like when parents are able to back off at times and let their 'little princesses' grow up by their own mistakes. So as a result, we see someone like Andrea Petkovic, who is not only a great tennis player but is also very intelligent and funny, and interested in different parts of life other than just tennis." - Ipek Senoglu

*ACADEMY CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS FEATURE PRODUCTION*
...our plucky performers were always tirelessly working to entertain the student body and faculty throughout the calendar year, but only one production managed to be a season-long hit. In the early stages of rehearsal, what turned out to be the Center's premiere dramatic attraction was in need of some work. But as the year went along, our lead ingenue grew fairly nicely into the role. By the time the final curtain went down, while she didn't receive overwhelming reviews across the board, her perseverence and versatility were much appreciated by those of us who'd seen the early versions of her performance. Already our student body President, our "Many Faces" Lead Actress seems to have so much potential We think even bigger things might be in store for her down the line.

*"THE MANY FACES OF CAROLINE"... sorry, there's still only one member of this particular afterschool society*
[an award-winning exhibition from Miss Wozniacki]
PART-TIME SOCCER TRICK SHOT ARTIST:

YALE FOOTBALL MASCOT:

STELLA McCARTNEY MUSE:

U.S. OPEN SERIES CHAMP:

WORLD #1 AND LOVING IT:

FUTURE GRAND SLAM CHAMP?: maybe the gang will debut this one in 2011? (Crosses fingers.)

"It seems like everybody is hitting their stride at thirty. It's the new twenty." - Venus Williams

*ATHLETICS*
...we love our sports at Backspin Academy, and some say we love our awards even more. So, here are a few of the highlights and lowlights from the past season of competition:

=BACKSPIN ALL-STAR TEAMS=
*ALL-BEAUTIFUL*

Serena at Wimbledon, and The Pose
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Li Na's "unGrand Slam" (losing in slams to four consecutive eventual champions)... to everyone but Na, of course
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Shahar Peer playing Dubai
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Kim Clijsters giving all her Brisbane prize money to the Royal Children's Hospital (but only in theory)
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Elena Dementieva's Hall of Fame dreams

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The five-hour prison riot in Rochester, England... but only because it was sparked by the inmates not being allowed to see the Wimbledon Ladies' quarterfinals. Hmmm, I wonder if ESPN2 is piped into any American penal institutions?
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Kim Clijsters holding her nerve and going 5-0 in finals in 2010 (in reality... finally) and 3-0 in matches versus Justine Henin
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Team Italia in the Fed Cup
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Roofs on grand slam arenas, now and possibly in the future
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Kimiko Date-Krumm playing at 40

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Rennae Stubbs being the oldest WTA champion in '10 at 39
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Venus Williams winning back-to-back titles in Acapulco and Dubai... again. And then winning an exhibition event at Madison Square Garden for dessert.
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Francesca Schiavone fans wearing "Nothing is Impossible" t-shirts during the Roland Garros final
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Serena Williams and Justine Henin meeting in a grand slam final for the first time

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Queen Elizabeth finally returning to Wimbledon after a 33-year absence

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And the wait that will soon officially begin for the first appearance by the future Princess Katherine (or Kate, if you prefer... and we do at the Academy)

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China winning the team event at the Asian Games
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Martina Hingis and Anna Kournikova teaming up again for some "Spice Women" doubles during Wimbledon's Legends competition
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Sam Stosur and Elena Dementieva playing until 1:37am at the U.S. Open
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Justine Henin turning down a taste of Vegemite during ESPN2's coverage of the Australian Open
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Martina Navratilova's planned trek up Mt. Kilimanjaro
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Caroline Wozniacki's seemingly fitful ease while filling the #1 ranking (so far)
=============================

"I was 23 when I realized that I wasn't Venus. I'm super curvy. I have big boobs and this massive butt. She's tall and she's like a model, and she fits everything. I was growing up, wanting to be her, wanting to look like her... but it's fine. Now I'm obviously good." - Serena Williams, in Harper's Bazaar magazine

*ALL-UGLY*
German soccer (even though Serena doesn't blame it for what happened, everyone at the Academy does)
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Jelena Jankovic vs. Justine Henin... still. Current status: 0-10
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Kim Clijsters giving all her Brisbane prize money to the Royal Children's Hospital (and blithely "showing up" fellow finalist Henin)
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The exhibition in Brussels, Belgium that broke the attendence record of Billie Jean King & Bobby Riggs' "Battle of the Sexes" at the Houston Astrodome (a made-up "event" that actually meant something, in its own way, at the time)
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Elena Dementieva's Hall of Fame reality
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The WTA continuing to announce its season award winners in March of the following season. On that note, we in the yearbook office would like to congratulate Secretariat for winning the Kentucky Derby.
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Victoria Azarenka for playing after her concussion-inducing fall
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The Belgian Anti-Doping Tribunal's antics actually managing to be topped by Tennis Australia's lame grand slam wild card policies... not just once in 2010, but twice
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The tired "#1 Debate"
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Serena and Venus Williams not meeting on the court once in 2010 (after doing so nine times in 2008-09)
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Nicole Vaidisova quitting tennis at age 20

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The Chinese team again failing to win a single tie in Fed Cup competition
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The sleep-inducing U.S. Open women's singles final
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Fountains/Triple-Image "Statue of Limberty" Sculptures being commissioned to honor 27-year old tennis players who've already been needlessly immortalized in four-limbed and bendable plastic. Seriously, can we please cease with this ego-stroking foolishness?
=============================

"I'm obviously not pleased with this result. But I have to move on. What else can I do? Unless I have a time machine. Which I don't. - Venus Williams

"Sports doesn't build character. It shows it." - Ana Ivanovic

Amen, sister.

Whew! If you made it this far, congratulations. Hopefully, there was something here for everyone. If not, well, it wasn't for a lack of trying.

To be continued in 2011...

Res Ipsa Loquitur. All for now.



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